I went off for such a long time… I didn’t expect it but it happened. Something that’s so important and I kept reminding myself through out this “blog break” is that- “it’s okay”. Whenever this shame and self-pity came to have a party in my mind, I kept saying to myself, Winifred it’s okay to take a break. It’s okay if you don’t publish a post every week, just breathe. I felt terrible and fell into the comparison trap so many times but I continuously reminded myself that I am not everyone.
I initially took a break because I had to focus on school for a few months before my graduation and then slowly, anxiety crept in, followed my depression, comparison and more. Of course, I was questioning EVERYTHING. My why, my purpose, what was I offering in terms of this blog?, am I truly “RARE”?, How was I standing out?, What was I bringing to the table?
I questioned everything. My life, my friends, and family.
I was depressed and didn’t how to be myself…
I took a break from social media, I took a break from everything and I thought that was going to make me feel better but it didn’t. So yes, I was struggling with myself and taking a break was my solution I guess.
During my break, I realized that I am a perfectionist and I would literally look for any mistake and give myself 1000 reasons why I have to correct that mistake before moving forward instead of just pushing through. I didn’t like the look of my blog, I had so many “half” goals that I didn’t start just because I didn’t have the perfect environment or, the perfect app or software etc. Just all these outrageous things to discourage me so I had to evaluate everything.
Is everything perfect now? No, and like we all know, perfection doesn’t exist.
I’m back to teaching myself a lot of things. I’m learning so much about myself and learning to stay consistent with myself. I am learning… To push through! To work hard and put in the effort and not just wish for another person’s life, to accept this Winifred and improve to be a better version of me, to breathe and really get to know me, that I shouldn’t make excuses for not executing my plans, I should fight comparison and I definitely should stop overthinking everything and stop being so hard on myself. I am learning what it truly means to “focus on myself” and even though it’s taking me time to fully understand and act on it, I would keep trying.
What have I been up to?
- I moved from blogger to WordPress! (WordPress is dope! -if dope is still a word) The excitement from here is unreal. I’m super excited about this move because it has been a plan since 2015 and I’m happy it’s done. (Let me know if you want a detailed review/chat about this move and why I did.)
- Also, the blog has a new look! Hope you guys like it and like the color scheme also! I love it! (you guys know pink is bae forever!).
- P.S – Dami helped me with everything! She is definitely amazing and was very helpful throughout the process and I love the way the blog looks right now! She is also affordable! (you can contact her on her website http://damibrown.com)
- Asides dealing with my mental health, I graduated from UNIVERSITY! B.Sc Accounting (second class upper division) and my convocation day had to be the best day of my 2017 so far. I’m honestly really grateful. My graduation needs a different post so let’s just move on.
- I traveled barely two weeks after my graduation (currently in ATL). Hopefully, I get to share exciting things with you guys soon!.
- I passed my drivers test in Atlanta and I’m officially a new driver! I am very excited and nervous per usual. Everyone says if I can drive in LAGOS, I can drive anywhere in the world and I have never driven in Lagos lmao!
I know this post is all over the place, bear with me. Thank you to the beautiful people that reached out to me. I love you guys, really. Thank you for sticking with my inconsistency, it’s annoying, I know. But, honestly, thank you.
I do struggle with my mental health and some days, I want to express myself, I want to document my journey and I want this place to continue to be my space for that. I was worried about being too sad, too vulnerable but what matters is that I stay authentic and true to my journey and that’s how we would move forward.
My mental health will always come first as it should and I would write and also “talk” about this in a different post.
I want “rareisbeautiful” to be a place you leave feeling inspired, motivated, vulnerable, happy and positively influenced. I am here to learn and share my journey because I don’t have it all “figured out”.
That is my focus right now and I hope it keeps growing to be.
P.S- Thank you so much.
P.S- Don’t forget to contact Dami if you want to transfer your site or just redesign your site. She’s amazing. http://damibrown.com